AhavahAinSoph on Finding one's True Will

[Moon1ight]

Hi everyone :)

Here's a conversation I had with AhavahAinSoph on the IRC that I really find worth keeping. About how to actually go about finding that True Will that everyone talks about  ;D

09:25    A.    I finally understand.. I finally understand strength.
09:25    A.    I finally understand the lesson of geburah
09:26    M.    Oh! Congratulations!
09:26    MuadDib    I doubt it ahavah, you will look at it again later and discover many more lessons :P
09:26    A.    I was looking at my family, at my mother and my granfathers
09:27    A.    And all of them hedged their bets, settled. The weight of the world broke them.
09:27    A.    My grandfathers had higher iqs than me, my family begins life with incredible potential
09:28    A.    And they sidetrack it, because of this feeling of responsibility
09:28    A.    Of "Possibility"
09:28    A.    Of "Plausibility"
09:29    A.    All of them broke when they decided they had to dream inside the world.
09:29    A.    But it's like crowley said
09:29    jimlad    it's like to be said.
09:30    A.    "Do what you Will, then do nothing else"
09:30    A.    There is no settlement
09:30    A.    There is no other choice. You must be you
09:30    A.    No matter the pressures you face
09:30    A.    No matter the hardships
09:30    A.    No matter what the world throws at you
09:30    A.    And how many people tell you how dangerous it is
09:31    MuadDib    I was reading that kind of backwards and was about to accuse you of becoming a thelemite until I realized you were actually quoting crowley
09:31    A.    Tipharet is the Will, Guburah is sharpening that Will into steel. The ironclad will.
09:32    M.    Ah, that is relevant to a question I ponder :) Is The Will,, is the "You" that "you must be" a *choice* or a *discovery*?
09:35    A.    It is a discovery
09:35    A.    What you do with it is a choice
09:35    A.    But it must be YOUR choice
09:35    A.    An expression of your heart
09:36    A.    Not of the world and its circumstances
09:36    A.    When you understand who you are
09:36    A.    You must focus on it like the mindfulness you were just asking about
09:36    A.    Until it fills everything
09:37    A.    Until it consumes your body, until it eats who you were. Until it burns off all of the impurity.
09:37    A.    This is the reddening.
09:38    M.    But isn't it sad that everyone is to have a *set purpose* already determined, and and only either chose to follow it or be mistaken?
09:38    A.    No, you can't actually violate your true will, your heart
09:39    A.    And also, I don't see how it would be sad
09:39    A.    You make it, it is an expression of your whole soul.
09:39    A.    The total of yourself throughout time
09:39    A.    It's the meta determinism we were talking about the other day, when you coined that phrase
09:40    A.    We create our soul, we create god, and we create what we are determined to do every day
09:40    M.    waitwait. Apparently people can violate their true will -- this is exactly what you were sayung -- "they sidetrack it"
09:40    A.    It's not a perfect expression. It's concealled
09:40    A.    It's not a violation, it's a lens, a limit.
09:40    M.    ah, that makes more sense
09:41    A.    My mother for instance
09:41    M.    But clearly, Crowley's  "Do what you Will, then do nothing else" means that this is what you *should* do, it is also something you *can* do, but is clearly *not
09:41    A.    I figured out her true will, kind of.
09:41    M.     something you *automatically do
09:41    A.    It's about conscious awareness
09:41    A.    Not about whether or not you can fail.
09:42    A.    Or choose not to do the thing
09:42    A.    "Do what thou wilt, then do nothing else" is an expression of cus.
09:42    A.    focus*
09:42    A.    "Do what thou wilt" is an expression of understanding
09:42    M.    Yes, but my question is focus on what?
09:42    A.    Of knowledge, and action
09:42    A.    On who you are.
09:43    A.    What you are made of.
09:43    A.    The discovery of the hga, and the understanding of "True Will" and the idea of the "Ruach" is all the same idea, and it is the root of yourself
09:44    A.    The point that all other things you may do come from
09:44    A.    Understand the root. Grab the sword by the hilt.
09:44    A.    Then wield it
09:46    A.    "Who you are" and "Why" are considerations that should be the basis of your decision making process constantly and at all times once you figure out what the answers are.
09:48    M.    I totalla agree with you on the Constant Focus, Do nothing else etc etc. parts. Absolutely. My doubt lies solely with the *discovery*
09:48    A.    First you discover who you are, you accomplish the great work, understanding the root of your being. You make the stone, you dig through all the base materia, burn it, wash it, dry it, let it ferment.
09:49    M.    In my view, the True Will has to be a *choice* -- you pick something you want to do with this life, and then you throw all your strength at it.
09:49    A.    No.
09:49    A.    It is much deeper than a choice
09:49    A.    It is an unconscious root, where all the consciousness stems from
09:49    M.    In the discovery-view I always run into walls :D What if I *understand* falsely? What is I don't llike what I find etc.
09:49    A.    Any choice you can make follows it.
09:50    A.    It isn't something you won't like, because that would violate the very idea of it.
09:50    A.    You can't understand falsely. There will be many times that you think you know, that's what Hod is, the knowing that is incomplete
09:50    A.    But you will not misunderstand.
09:51    A.    When it clicks, it will click utterly.
09:51    A.    When you're there, you will know.
09:51    A.    It will all suddenly make sense
09:51    A.    You, the world, everything
09:52    A.    I've compared it before to "Seeing the sunrise for the first time when living in a world of darkness"
09:52    A.    Everything that was hazy before
09:52    jimlad    was that you don't when you've had before. 3 him, always coming.
09:52    A.    suddenly snaps into sharp focus
09:52    A.    And it's so much more beautiful than the shadowy images made it appear to be.
09:53    A.    You have to remember that this is what MAKES your ego
09:53    A.    It's what assembles it
09:54    A.    You can't have a dislike of it, because it MAKES your choices and your preferences
09:54    A.    All of them depend on it
09:54    A.    And are made because of it
09:54    A.    Just unconsciously.
09:54    jimlad    i'm just gonna do whatever he says proves nicolas cage is a long winged oceanic bird.
09:56    M.    If I take that perspective I am left undecided -- my mind wants to do different, exclusive things
09:56    A.    Chase one decision down the rabbit hole
09:57    A.    Take one choice in your life
09:57    A.    And ask yourself a question: "Why"
09:57    jimlad    i ask you a question?
09:57    A.    Then ask why to the answer
09:57    A.    Then again
09:57    A.    And again, til you cant
09:57    A.    Then pick another thread
09:57    A.    And untie it
09:57    A.    Why
09:57    A.    Why
09:57    A.    Why
09:57    A.    Keep going, take a third thing
09:57    A.    Unravel it too
09:57    A.    Why
09:57    A.    Why
09:57    A.    Why
09:57    A.    Why
09:57    A.    Why
09:57    A.    Keep going
09:57    A.    Until you hit the root
09:58    A.    Be honest with yourself
09:58    A.    And don't stop
09:58    A.    You won't hit the root til your entire world is rocked from the understanding
09:58    A.    So keep
09:58    A.    Going
09:59    A.    One thread after another
09:59    A.    And eventually you'll be able to see all the threads, and how they connect
09:59    A.    Then you'll find where they all come from
09:59    A.    THAT is what you're looking for
09:59    A.    The key to not getting caught in false knowledge here is to not stop somewhere arbitrary
09:59    A.    Relentlessly chase it down
10:00    A.    Until you can't chase anymore, and keep going
10:00    A.    Rip yourself apart to find the gold in the center if you have to. Let nothing stop you
10:00    A.    Not you, nor the world, nor anything else
10:00    A.    Find
10:00    A.    The
10:00    A.    Gold
10:00    A.    Why
10:00    A.    Why
10:00    A.    Why
10:00    A.    Why
10:01    A.    It's worth EVERY BIT of the hardship, of the rawness, of the pain.
10:01    jimlad    i don't feel manic, but when it comes off as nonsense but if you will find the zohar if it's worth.
10:01    A.    It's in everything you do
10:01    A.    And everything you do is an expression of it
10:01    A.    So just pick a thread
10:01    A.    And start untying
10:01    A.    And don't stop
10:02    A.    Until you have the answer t the question "Who am I"
10:02    A.    And THAT is where the source of the mage's power lies.
10:03    M.    You're making very good points (you should make a forum post ;) ) -- But I cannot truly follow. When I ask your Why I quickly come to the answer "Because I'll enjoy it" and then that's it :D
10:03    A.    Why will you enjoy it.
10:03    A.    What do you enjoy about it?
10:03    M.    Or rather "Because I think I'll enjoy it"
10:03    A.    Why?
10:03    A.    That's not a termination point.
10:03    A.    Pick apart your enjoyment
10:04    A.    Dissect it.
10:04    M.    ah, "Because I'm the kind of person who enjoys such an activity"?
10:06    A.    Why, what do you enjoy about it?
10:06    A.    What about it makes you enjoy it
10:06    A.    What does that say about you?
10:06    M.    Ah, that helps :)
[...]
11:05   M.   So you keep asking and asking, backtracking from dead ends etc. until something "obviously clicks", yes?
11:05   jimlad   until you have to keep more of that.
11:06   A.   Yeah, and it'll be REALLY OBVIOUS.
11:06   A.   Just keep going though
11:07   A.   Don't worry about "How will I know" because if you have to ask, then you haven't hit root
11:07   A.   All that anticipation is more energy to fuel the fire
11:08   M.   So, the intermediate questions are "Why do i want to do/be that?" and the final question is "What do I really want to do/be?" Or how would _you_ express the question of the True will?
11:09   A.   "Who am I and why"
11:10   M.   Thanks :)
11:11   A.   No worries dude. I want EVERYONE to live their best, and understand themselves so they know what that is