Author Topic: From here to there  (Read 1284 times)

Vortex7

From here to there
« on: June 25, 2017, 11:14:59 am »

I am an ex-convict having served time for arson and a violent assault.


   I became seriously interested  in magick and the occult during a 7 and a half year sentence. I was fortunate enough to have received Liber Null/Psychonaut and Liber Kaos around the same time I was newly exploring Thelema, GD, Taoism, Buddhism, Qabbalah, Sufism, and Yoga/Meditation. Chaos Magick Meta-theory opened a whole new door  to working within the things I was trying to  learn.


   During my stay I developed definite success in certain ares of practice due to the large amount of free time inside of a box I had. I became so adept at lucid dreaming I could lay down and allow the onion layers of the mind to peel back, eventually hitting the hypnagogic state then transitioning from there to a lucid dream matrix.  I had plenty of what I considered acceptable targets for cursing, and through trial and error learned all of the pitfalls of destructive magick. I became good at manifesting wealth and material opportunities that benefited me. I never thought to apply these things to deeper more potent workings until quite recently.


   Fast Forward to 2010. I parole from prison and within a very short time despite my record, lack of education, and criminal history I find a good paying job in the Tree Service. Within three months of transferring to a county where I had a place to live my new parole officer is a hard ass, scaring the shit out of me with his demands and feeling I am destined to go back to jail I abscond. I end up working at a used car lot for the summer, I keep using my material sorcery to gain more money. I start making around 3 grand a week on top of being able to use slot machines like an atm. I never lose. I also develop a serious cocaine habit and find the love of my life. By the end of summer things seem to be falling apart around me and my lover needs to go to Canada, her junkie brother is close to dying because of contracting HIV and barely having any kidney function. She begs me to go, so I jump the border illegally and meet her up there.


   During this time I happen upon all kinds of occult groups online. I run into one particular which will end up being my home and main current the DKMU. It is fabulous and powerful, the AOR speaks to me in volumes and ways I can't describe yet. Over time in Canada I become a core member in the online group. Controversial, annoying, and inspiring depending on who you ask. Chelseanacht 2011 I have crazy dreams about all types of powerful cats. I find out the next day about what chelsea is and about 663 and it's ties to cats. A week later I decide to channel 663.


   663 channel. I prepare the sigil and smoke ridiculous amounts of pot until I feel like I am about to pass out. "IA DOOMBRINGAH IA DOOMBRINGAH" I am standing before a red clay Ziggurat, there is a door at the bottom and I enter. Inside I see a platform of Skeletons performing what can only be described as death rites. A series of words I cannot readily understand are spoken and intoned. Whispers of fear and aversion penetrate me. "YOU ARE NO THING.". I wake up from the trance, and having not found any other similar experience I hide the writings and experience from others fearing that I wasn't actually channeling the doombringah and not wanting to embarrass myself to older members.


This year at some point we began the A.A.O. a magical template for the complete magician. The practice being a reset and sincere approach to beginners practices, and also using what we call Root System theory to develop complete personal systems by tying ancient, recent, and modern commonalities in writings together of a given paradigm. The A.A.O. eventually fails due to ego traps, political divisions, and most people unwilling to put in serious work.


Sometime in between the beginning of the A.A.O. and may of 2012 I get deported from Canada, someone notifying immigration that I was there illegally. In oregon on parole my wife and I set up a new life for ourselves, busting our asses off. I am still using but not nearly as bad as I have been. I begin cycling steroids and becoming the most muscular one in the group. I become a more bloated ego personality too, relying on my sorcery abilities to define myself as a true and powerful mage. People either love me or hate me but there is no indifference. Secretly I am miserable and self-conscious, I lie  outwardly about my confidence and I use tearing others down as a means to show superiority.


    A great many things happened between then and now. I was consistently a flake when it came to group projects. The one things consistently real over the years was my obsession with Tri-Gag. Using it to justify my negative qualities and trying to impose shadow work on others. I became deeply involved with this current to the point of finding my own version of the Tri-Gag seal which is used by quite a few now. "You are the merely the dust trampled under the motion of the empty narrative." I was sick with my own ego. And it would be eventually a dissatisfaction with myself and others through this ego bloat that would give me the opportunity to become a more sincere version of myself.
 
      Fast Forward to January 2017. I get a hold of some really potent entheogen. I sit down at the onset of the trip and begin gazing deeply into the seal of the red king. "I AM THE RED KING." I repeated over and over again:


    The fractal psychosis shook every aspect within awake. And the strongest were demons of compulsion and self destruction. I crawled out badly beaten but not completely broken. "I am the red king]" he said. Little did he know what happens when the dreamer perceives the dream. "Dream all the dreams" she said.The waves of reality collapsed into a psychedellic super nova."I am the red king" he said.Being sucked into the fabric of reality.
A source code cosmically unbearable to such a primitive mind.
"Sometimes you have to just get some fight in you. Don't go full dickmoo." She said.
I am the red king.
Glass shattered into a kaleidoscopic abyss no sense of self or time to be found.
I am the red king he said
I am the red king


           That night at 3 different points I was sucked into red king gnosis, A psychedelic monstrocitiy where gravity, direction, time and sound were alien to me and happened in ways I could not describe directly. Every time I was pulled into  Red King gnosis my brain hurt in ways I have no way of explaining. By the third instance I was sure that I had fucked up badly. "You're not coming back from this one Steve, you finally fucked up good." Many other things happened that night that I feel were significant but they aren't important for this telling.


         Within a week every aspect of self came to the surface and I was forced to deal with inner demons of compulsion. I left my family for a week that felt like eternity. I spent 25 grand in a week of self destructive depravity and consumpiton. I lost way more drugs than I consumed and consumed enough that by all rights I should be dead. In the end I finallly had to decide what I truly wanted in life. It was my wife and son, I returned home and in a fit of mania still gave in to my using and told everyone basically to fuck off. Bought a house and although the intent was to sober up, used every day and drank myself into oblivion.


        I came back to the fold some time in may. Wanting to reinvest myself in the current and A.A.O. I livestreamed a marauder rite rededicating myself to the DKMU current. Shortly after one night my wife would point out that I was becoming jaundiced from the drinking and pleaded with me "Steve you are killing yourself please stop.". The next day I decided to get sober, I sat down and meditated on the seal of the white queen. Within a short time I had what I can only describe as a kundalini like experience, my hands clenched and in them I felt my rage, my eyes poured and in them I felt infinite sadness, my mouth stretched to painful lengths and laughter poured out in pure joy, my heart though at the center felt serene. I would then go through a transition that I call my white light current. I transitioned to vegetarianism, I felt love at all things, reactive anger and physical cravings for drugs stopped suddenly, MY eyes breathed wind and my head felt like infinite space, I rode the wave as long as I could. I tried to help numerous people, paying for someone's abortion, buying plane tickets for someone to visit a dying relative, and buying a few tarot readings I really had no need for. I kept pushing this current until people who acted in parasitic ways and individuals who felt they had the authority to dictate my path while not even being able to get their own lives in order pushed me to the edge. I left facebook, I hated it to begin with and regularly took hiatus in the past. It's a blue dopamine pumping demon of image worship and a petri dish for memetic parasitism. I am still now trying to find my foothold in the dkmu current which for a short time I thought was dead in me, The A.A.O. which is just as much an astral vehicle as it is a guideline for living. I still feel the same way as I did the white light still shines through me, I just decide not to enable other's issues in my quest to help them.


    I have decided to make long term goals for myself which includes the studying and analysis of chumbley's work. Sticking to long term goals regardless of feelings and perspectives with DKMU and A.A.O. The Stele  below represents everything that I desire to push forward through. This short telling leaves many holes and shortens quite a few powerful experiences that I will eventually talk about in length.
"In all things I know I am only a man"


"I am that narrative,
I speak what I create,
I create what I speak,
The living breath flows."


156/663


DTTI : HTNF
AUTM : IUTW


Branch Out...

Kiki

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Re: From here to there
« Reply #1 on: July 26, 2017, 06:35:34 pm »
<3 I admire you