From here to there

[Vortex7]

I am an ex-convict having served time for arson and a violent assault.


   I became seriously interested  in magick and the occult during a 7 and a half year sentence. I was fortunate enough to have received Liber Null/Psychonaut and Liber Kaos around the same time I was newly exploring Thelema, GD, Taoism, Buddhism, Qabbalah, Sufism, and Yoga/Meditation. Chaos Magick Meta-theory opened a whole new door  to working within the things I was trying to  learn.


   During my stay I developed definite success in certain ares of practice due to the large amount of free time inside of a box I had. I became so adept at lucid dreaming I could lay down and allow the onion layers of the mind to peel back, eventually hitting the hypnagogic state then transitioning from there to a lucid dream matrix.  I had plenty of what I considered acceptable targets for cursing, and through trial and error learned all of the pitfalls of destructive magick. I became good at manifesting wealth and material opportunities that benefited me. I never thought to apply these things to deeper more potent workings until quite recently.


   Fast Forward to 2010. I parole from prison and within a very short time despite my record, lack of education, and criminal history I find a good paying job in the Tree Service. Within three months of transferring to a county where I had a place to live my new parole officer is a hard ass, scaring the shit out of me with his demands and feeling I am destined to go back to jail I abscond. I end up working at a used car lot for the summer, I keep using my material sorcery to gain more money. I start making around 3 grand a week on top of being able to use slot machines like an atm. I never lose. I also develop a serious cocaine habit and find the love of my life. By the end of summer things seem to be falling apart around me and my lover needs to go to Canada, her junkie brother is close to dying because of contracting HIV and barely having any kidney function. She begs me to go, so I jump the border illegally and meet her up there.


   During this time I happen upon all kinds of occult groups online. I run into one particular which will end up being my home and main current the DKMU. It is fabulous and powerful, the AOR speaks to me in volumes and ways I can't describe yet. Over time in Canada I become a core member in the online group. Controversial, annoying, and inspiring depending on who you ask. Chelseanacht 2011 I have crazy dreams about all types of powerful cats. I find out the next day about what chelsea is and about 663 and it's ties to cats. A week later I decide to channel 663.


   663 channel. I prepare the sigil and smoke ridiculous amounts of pot until I feel like I am about to pass out. "IA DOOMBRINGAH IA DOOMBRINGAH" I am standing before a red clay Ziggurat, there is a door at the bottom and I enter. Inside I see a platform of Skeletons performing what can only be described as death rites. A series of words I cannot readily understand are spoken and intoned. Whispers of fear and aversion penetrate me. "YOU ARE NO THING.". I wake up from the trance, and having not found any other similar experience I hide the writings and experience from others fearing that I wasn't actually channeling the doombringah and not wanting to embarrass myself to older members.


This year at some point we began the A.A.O. a magical template for the complete magician. The practice being a reset and sincere approach to beginners practices, and also using what we call Root System theory to develop complete personal systems by tying ancient, recent, and modern commonalities in writings together of a given paradigm. The A.A.O. eventually fails due to ego traps, political divisions, and most people unwilling to put in serious work.


Sometime in between the beginning of the A.A.O. and may of 2012 I get deported from Canada, someone notifying immigration that I was there illegally. In oregon on parole my wife and I set up a new life for ourselves, busting our asses off. I am still using but not nearly as bad as I have been. I begin cycling steroids and becoming the most muscular one in the group. I become a more bloated ego personality too, relying on my sorcery abilities to define myself as a true and powerful mage. People either love me or hate me but there is no indifference. Secretly I am miserable and self-conscious, I lie  outwardly about my confidence and I use tearing others down as a means to show superiority.


    A great many things happened between then and now. I was consistently a flake when it came to group projects. The one things consistently real over the years was my obsession with Tri-Gag. Using it to justify my negative qualities and trying to impose shadow work on others. I became deeply involved with this current to the point of finding my own version of the Tri-Gag seal which is used by quite a few now. "You are the merely the dust trampled under the motion of the empty narrative." I was sick with my own ego. And it would be eventually a dissatisfaction with myself and others through this ego bloat that would give me the opportunity to become a more sincere version of myself.

      Fast Forward to January 2017. I get a hold of some really potent entheogen. I sit down at the onset of the trip and begin gazing deeply into the seal of the red king. "I AM THE RED KING." I repeated over and over again:


    The fractal psychosis shook every aspect within awake. And the strongest were demons of compulsion and self destruction. I crawled out badly beaten but not completely broken. "I am the red king]" he said. Little did he know what happens when the dreamer perceives the dream. "Dream all the dreams" she said.The waves of reality collapsed into a psychedellic super nova."I am the red king" he said.Being sucked into the fabric of reality.
A source code cosmically unbearable to such a primitive mind.
"Sometimes you have to just get some fight in you. Don't go full dickmoo." She said.
I am the red king.
Glass shattered into a kaleidoscopic abyss no sense of self or time to be found.
I am the red king he said
I am the red king


           That night at 3 different points I was sucked into red king gnosis, A psychedelic monstrocitiy where gravity, direction, time and sound were alien to me and happened in ways I could not describe directly. Every time I was pulled into  Red King gnosis my brain hurt in ways I have no way of explaining. By the third instance I was sure that I had fucked up badly. "You're not coming back from this one Steve, you finally fucked up good." Many other things happened that night that I feel were significant but they aren't important for this telling.


         Within a week every aspect of self came to the surface and I was forced to deal with inner demons of compulsion. I left my family for a week that felt like eternity. I spent 25 grand in a week of self destructive depravity and consumpiton. I lost way more drugs than I consumed and consumed enough that by all rights I should be dead. In the end I finallly had to decide what I truly wanted in life. It was my wife and son, I returned home and in a fit of mania still gave in to my using and told everyone basically to fuck off. Bought a house and although the intent was to sober up, used every day and drank myself into oblivion.


        I came back to the fold some time in may. Wanting to reinvest myself in the current and A.A.O. I livestreamed a marauder rite rededicating myself to the DKMU current. Shortly after one night my wife would point out that I was becoming jaundiced from the drinking and pleaded with me "Steve you are killing yourself please stop.". The next day I decided to get sober, I sat down and meditated on the seal of the white queen. Within a short time I had what I can only describe as a kundalini like experience, my hands clenched and in them I felt my rage, my eyes poured and in them I felt infinite sadness, my mouth stretched to painful lengths and laughter poured out in pure joy, my heart though at the center felt serene. I would then go through a transition that I call my white light current. I transitioned to vegetarianism, I felt love at all things, reactive anger and physical cravings for drugs stopped suddenly, MY eyes breathed wind and my head felt like infinite space, I rode the wave as long as I could. I tried to help numerous people, paying for someone's abortion, buying plane tickets for someone to visit a dying relative, and buying a few tarot readings I really had no need for. I kept pushing this current until people who acted in parasitic ways and individuals who felt they had the authority to dictate my path while not even being able to get their own lives in order pushed me to the edge. I left facebook, I hated it to begin with and regularly took hiatus in the past. It's a blue dopamine pumping demon of image worship and a petri dish for memetic parasitism. I am still now trying to find my foothold in the dkmu current which for a short time I thought was dead in me, The A.A.O. which is just as much an astral vehicle as it is a guideline for living. I still feel the same way as I did the white light still shines through me, I just decide not to enable other's issues in my quest to help them.


    I have decided to make long term goals for myself which includes the studying and analysis of chumbley's work. Sticking to long term goals regardless of feelings and perspectives with DKMU and A.A.O. The Stele  below represents everything that I desire to push forward through. This short telling leaves many holes and shortens quite a few powerful experiences that I will eventually talk about in length.
"In all things I know I am only a man"


"I am that narrative,
I speak what I create,
I create what I speak,
The living breath flows."


156/663


DTTI : HTNF
AUTM : IUTW


Branch Out...

[Kiki]

<3 I admire you

[Mskied]

"Chesed, Chesed!" The witnesses of time and space made their declaration to the counsel of the Lords of Life. Their choir came from the East, and sped towards the West, to announce to the Cosmic audience the outcome of an event uncommon. The assembly of Creation gathered as the pilgrim stumbled into the arena.
The Gods do not reveal themselves, nor what they desire. These kinds of men are blindfolded, and do not know in whose company they are in, they only know they have been given a Divine audience.
"I was sent here by God, to partake in the design." he declared. "I believe all people deserve mercy." He revealed that he was sent to refine the love that the Gods and their art had brought to Man.
A silent whisper in the air, not really tangible nor verbal asked his soul, "Who is your God?" He wasn't certain. He was ill prepared for this meeting. "Jehovah" he blurted out, thinking this must be where he learned his virtues, the virtues that caused him to be sent on this quest.
"You know the Will of Jehovah?!" a voice boomed, entering his room on a gust of wind.
He stood there, examining what other knowledge he possessed. Prior to his entrance, he had been sent with the Law of Thelema, and all the tools of spirituality that this tradition offered man. It was a New Age, but as this pilgrim, this student of life, wanted to resolve all of the world's problems, he returned to the Church he left, to learn what he had missed and where it failed. He was Divinely from both schools.
As he mentally examined what he had been given, what he knew and what he believed, the knights of the council circled him. He felt the sharp daggers of their Will poke and prod him. Saint Paul accused him of not being worthy of representing their faith.
"If I'm doing something wrong, then kill me!" the pilgrim demanded. And kill him they did.
He went spiraling down, down into pain and madness. He was striped of all his spiritual gifts, his mental ability to imagine, the use of his Third Eye, his chakras. All his tools were taken and he was invaded and devoured and tortured. He was sent to Hell, where the demons crowned him King of the Jews, and called him Rabbi; giving him a lesson on Kabbalah, then they left.
They sent a Royal interrogator to torture him more, to see what he was capable of understanding with the few points of knowledge he had been given. Blind faith was no longer enough for the pilgrim, he realized that he wasn't prepared for this style of teaching, and he ran.
The Hawk God, Ra-Hor-Kuit, God of war and manhood, hunted him down; torturing, plaguing his thoughts and body until finally he collapsed in pain, confusion and despair.
Having captured his prey, the Hawk God hovered over the feeble flesh of his victim, a body that had indulged in all the earthly delights; a body that had not done enough to earn a life of leisure.
This God of Order pecked at his eyes without care.
Peck.
Peck.
The Son of Man lay there tolerating the pain, still believing in the righteousness of his cause but not willing to protest. The Hawk God stared with steely gaze, cool and precise, waiting for him to quiver. His cold and steady Will overpowering this fallen Son of Man.
Death. Silence.
Peck.
His mind was wracked by shades and shadows of ignorance. They had left his inner kingdom a cavernous and confused heap of pathways to nothing, where he wandered lost, like a hopeless ghost, haunting a civilization that had long been left in ruin. The defender of Order and the Gods of war had eaten all parts of his Wisdom. He was barren, a fools errand; a willing sacrifice to the Lords of Creation. This naive Son thought it was enough to offer his life to the Lords of Creation, but these Gods do not require sacrifice; they require strength and wisdom, and intention and knowledge. Simply handing over the keys to your soul is wasteful, and risky. This was about earning a kingdom and nothing more, for there already was a redeemer of Man.
Nightmares; dark demons around every secret.
They crept up into his Heaven and devoured, poisoned and stained him, tearing! Ripping!
Devouring and destroying him, crushing his last atom- the last line, the last drop of royal crimson blood, only to start the processes over. Build! Destroy! Exult, examine, defeat- until there was nothing left to devour, and then off they went, marching towards the future, leaving the sacrificial lamb to whither in the dust, to be blown gently away on the wind, into nothingness.
Peck.
Peck.
It was grueling and precise, and terrible torture; to be hovered over and observed, and condemned for every turn of the mind.
Words as thoughts, yet tangible and material and written entered into his now open head, "I have done all of this because I am God" it said.
Despair and death were all he had left. This Son had had enough, and simply desired to escape. He was not prepared for such tests, his intentions were noble, but that was not enough.
Stripped of all wealth and hope, could he endure? Can he still claim to have strength? When He made his request for power He claimed to be strong.
They demanded proof.
Living death for this fallen son.
Peck.
Peck.
The Angels were silent. The demons had had their way.
Night fell, and then day. He lay there; broken, destroyed. The Hawk God had left him for now, satisfied that He had sated his lust for destroying this ignorant fool.
The poor, wretched thing rested, gazing up into the Heavens at the heart of Jesus wondering, why have you abandoned me? An Angel appeared, "You're not our son.".
They gave him no pity, but solemnly thanked him for trying to defend their High Heaven.
What was this man to do? This man sent on a Holy quest, to defend all life. How naive, the Gods thought. What kind of fool enters our presence, filled with small hopes, common enough, but already accomplished? He had no worth in their eyes. We are GODS was their mind, united in purpose and power! They do not tolerate foolish mortals in their kingdom, on Earth or in Heaven.
This wretched and devoured sacrifice to the Gods lay still. His chest slowly rising, then falling. His blood pulsing gently through his veins, he could feel the pain of the loss of his soul. It was as if a poison, or acid, had entered his body on a cellular level, stimulating him as if set on fire, but he was not burning. Where this was taking place he did not know, for the Gods do not reveal themselves to just anyone. It crippled his intellect, he had no faith. Still, he believed in the greatness and goodness of the Gods. This must be more than punishment for not knowing.
Thunderous booming destructive condemnation erupted from the nether, as if they were aware of his every thought. "This was the path of your choosing!" He felt mocked, betrayed, uncertain. What to trust? What to believe? Why in God's name would they do this? Then, silence again, and he let his chest rise and fall. It was calming, and meditative.
He steadied himself, wondering: where is the justice in the Heavenly realms! Could we not trust our teachers and Gods? They promised us!
The hapless, hopeful soul wailed, lashing out. The dying God inside his stained and broken body, a God of suffering, they called him. This suffering God moaned in delicious sorrow, emitting a dark and smokey cloud of regret for ever trusting that he knew the Will of Heaven.
This satisfied the Gods, and they departed.
He lay still. He knew they didn't approve of begging, or crying, or complaining. The Gods will do what they will do, and don't any mortal get in their way.
"I had every good intention!" he cried out from the deepest, darkest point in his soul. His heart was filled with rage, yet he was powerless to prevent the torture.
Abandoned and lost, cast out of the kingdom for a cause that he thought was righteous. They tortured, raped and defiled this lover of the world.
Threatened, cursed, punished severely. His vessel completely ruined. Adrift, afloat, somehow alive-yet dead! Completely and thoroughly wasted, "What a tragedy!" the witnesses cried. Was there no defender in Heaven or Hell for this poor soul?
Though thoroughly cursed, demeaned and humiliated, naked to his bones, striped of all worth; the pilgrim lumbered back into the world. His human friends and acquaintances, trying their best, could offer no aid, or consolation. He quested across the Earth as far as he was able, but no man held the key to his condition. No one understood, there was no help. The only choice he had, was to prove himself to the Gods, to renew his faith in Man, and to continue on the path to knowledge. He believed in his cause, it was just, regardless of what the Gods believed of him. He was determined to succeed, to bring fire from the sky, and to bring knowledge to Man.