Lamphomets

[Omni]

Copypasta'd with with permission from the original author: Frater Alysyrose​. I take no credit for this.





Get the TRUE FACTS from a REAL WIZARD.
Chapter Six:
LAMPHOMETICISM
Frater Diovivente
EVEN THE goofy Chaos Magicians and other such fools might have gotten one thing right throughout their many years of blundering ineptitude, and that is their appreciation of the magickal icon called the Baphomet. This awkward abomination is depicted as having the horned head of a goat or ram, the wings of a bird or angel, the body of a humanoid hermaphrodite with female breasts and a large male phallus. It is seen commanding the forces of duality with the mere gesturing of its omnipotent paws. Inscribed within both of its forearms is the alchemical motto, "SOLVE ET COAGULA," meaning dissolve and combine. The whole of it sits atop an orb which is meant as the entirety of the Earth. Quite right, for it represents the transcendence of opposites, and is the archetype of the primal flow of nature itself!
These family friendly facts aside, I bet what you did not know is that the Baphomet really depicts a species of extraterrestrial wizards that had long ago seeded the earth with their own occulty essences. If you were unfamiliar with this knowledge then you are obviously in need of further Endarkening, so for the time being ye may remove thy tinfoil hat and allow these spooky truths to rape you.
These Alien Wizard Gods were once the benefactors of all mankind and taught us much about magick and technology before we squandered their teachings on dumb shit and brought about the fall of a Golden Age.
They taught us how to read and write. So we spent our time writing about our human celebrities, the fashions they wore, the dramatic plays they were going to star in, which bards were singing about them, who they were in a relationship with, and whether or not they flashed their genitals to the Atlantean Era paparazzi.
They taught us how to harvest the precious materials of the Earth such as crystal and ore and imbue them with the magickal essence. So we went about creating Cell Stones that everyone carried around with them at all times, staring like drooling undead into their brightly glowing runes, sharing psychic duck-faced selfies and whatever shitty meals we were eating throughout the day. Verily, we were geniuses.
They taught us how to cut and move gigantic slabs of rock with our minds alone, and how to train ordinary animals to behave like vacuum cleaners and other household appliances which would blurt out hilarious catchphrases like "Eh, it's a living!" Certain High Wizards used this Stone Magick to create grand temples and pyramids to serve as the sacred halls of science and magick, but most people weren't the least bit interested and spent their time giggling like dolts, watching mystical visions of cats strumming on lutes.
This saddened and enraged our benefactors until they just went "Fuck It!" and used their climate manipulators to rapidly heat the atmosphere, melt the icecaps, raise the ocean levels and wash away the fail. Due to the insipid stupidity of man, many thousands of years of advanced civilizations were forever lost. The survivors of this catastrophe would go on to colonize Egypt and other areas around the globe, carrying along with them the fleeting memory of fallen wonders.
Some lesser form of quarry and stone magick survived the fall. As did some popular archaic fables which eventually mutated into countless redundant religions, but what persistently blazed in our minds was the unforgettable visage of the benefactors. Although more or less humanoid in form, they were all mixed with what resembled a beast of one kind or another. Some of them had the head of a crocodile and the body of a man. Some of them had the face of a spoiled pomegranate, the mouth of a spider, the voice of a six year old girl, serpents for fingers and bright red translucent asses that looked like two balloons filled with chunky beef stew. To put it simply, they were all terrifying to behold.
Having had created all life on Earth, they must have mastered genetic engineering, which gives some reason as to why they appear the way they do. However, to think of them as purely physical beings would be a gross mistake, as they are quite capable of phasing in and out of material existence at a whim. Indeed, they seem to prefer an astral form.
The O.V.O. recognizes them as the Lamphomets both Unholy and Divine, as this is what they told us to call them. What they call themselves is a mystery they are not willing to divulge, though one may suspect: Elohim. It is from them that we learned of Lamphometicism, the official Space Wizard philosophy of the O.V.O. This philosophy is only given to those of the Inner Order. Aleister Crowley himself knew well of these teachings, for the Lamphometi were the 'Secret Chiefs' of the Golden Dawn and all associated formations!
Very little is known about them aside from their role as the seeders of life and metaphysical benefactors of man, although we are unsure as to whether they care for the future of our species or not at this time. Still, a handful of them appear to show some interest and have spurred off a number of occult revivals. Here is what we have so far been told, straight from the hermaphroditic spider-crocodile's mouth:
"We are the noble originators of the primal archetypes of Earth who had once ourselves been granted form by what you call the Consistent Conundrum at the center of Being. We are neither Demon nor Angel, though you once called us Gods. It was always our intent to make of you Gods in your own right. This metamorphosis is now up to you."
"Our place is not within the Aethyrs with the others. We reside within the Void beyond which is found the Terror Veils. We are the managers of evolution wherever there is found the potential for it. This includes the development of the 'denizens' of what you call the Uberzilch. All apologies."
"Know that you are no longer the favorite child. You have become spoiled brats. Redeem yourselves and we shall return to usher in a new Golden Age. Continue as you have and you shall surely destroy yourselves. Buzz buzz. Bzzzz."
"We shall not intervene unless we deem it necessary. The forms required to file an Intervention Claim are such a pain in the arse to fill out that you shouldn't count on it happening anytime soon. The Lamphomet Directory of Interdimensional Affairs alone consists of over six billion registry applications, and the front desk is no help. What a buzzkill. Bzzzzzzz!"
"There is still potential in you. A fleet of our drones have volunteered to leave the splendid honeycomb structure of the Void so as to guide your prophets. We shall come to you in your visions and drug trips as beneficent teachers. Buzz buzz. No, Area 51 does not contain any of our fallen. Get over it. Listen to the Magicians of your species, for the initiated among them shall serve our goals. Bzzzzz. Your fate is now in their hands. Buzz buzz. BUZZ-BUZZ-BUZZ! Now buzz off."
There are naught but 29 Lamphomets that we know of who actively participate in communications with magicians. The others, we suspect, are far more secretive and stealthy when dealing with the spiritually inclined. It is also worth noting that Grey Aliens are not Lamphomets in and of themselves, but rather a 'species' of biomechanical androids which they use to probe, survey and keep track of the physical universes they are most interested in. Although contacting one or a group of them is a good way to get in touch with whatever Lamphomet controls them, they should not be mistaken for the real thing. They are merely semi-organic avatars of the freaky bureaucratic powers beyond.
As for why these Greys sometimes mutilate cattle with high powered lasers, leave graffiti in the form of crop circles, or abduct rednecks only to perform a series of horrific butt experiments on them, we suspect that they are being temporarily hacked by one or more mischievous astral creatures from the 72 Gibbering Aethyrs. I personally blame the Imps. The demons would have more class, and the angels would be too busy throwing poo at each other to perform such a feat. Or, some Greys might still party, and partake in copious amounts of psychedelics, even after the ban...
Let me explain. To be a Grey Alien is very likely one of the most boring occupations in the Multiverse. Oh sure, you get to whizz around in a fancy UFO, and there might even be a good sound system installed, but the majority of your time is spent cataloguing the slow and tiresome crawl of organic life from primordial slime to television addicted, corn eating, butthole scratching hominid waste.
And then there was Xeb Model 88.6, Alien Party-Buddha, who broke protocol and took the form of a human incarnation called Terence Mckenna. The disguise fooled many but for the most observant earthlings, and the wizards knew as soon as they heard him speak. If you were to ask me, it should been obvious. Nobody fucking talks like that.
Xeb introduced his fellow Greys to trippy earth compounds like DMT, LSD, and plants such as marijuana, and psilocybin mushrooms. Using their intercontinental HAARP brainwave scanners, however, the shadow government of Earth quickly took notice of Terence's anomalous brain orchestra. Instead of outright assassination, they offered him a job. And he took it. As to what this job exactly entailed, we may never know. Whispers of his dealings with the CIA are scarce, but audible still.
Whatever the case, he resolved to supply the Greys with these kooky chemicals, and kinky alien raves ensued aboard many a techno music blasting UFO. Boredom was no longer a concern, but this came with a price. As I hear tell, they would get stoned to the motherfucking gills, remix the music of earth using their own bizarre 68 note scale, and beam it back into the minds of producers. More often than not, a mistranslation would occur, resulting in musical styles resembling howling cat orgies, gastrointestinal evacuations, and the soul destroying screech of a preteen giraffe giving birth to a dump truck full of broken glass before it coughs up a final death rattle and collapses onto the mighty plains of the Serengeti. Where do you think dubstep came from?
Some Greys imbibed too much, and perhaps this was McKenna's secret mission. Bear in mind, the UFOs themselves are manufactured to jump between time, space, and even disparate Universes using Kadsitican crystals – the only astral objects capable of being pulled into physical existence; a philosopher's stone, if you will. Am I saying that Mckenna is responsible for the Roswell crash? No, because that would be stupid. I'm only saying that he could have been.
Everyone knows about Roswell, but not many know about the other dozen or so UFO crashes that had occurred since the industrial revolution. Many of these crafts are now in the possession of the all-too-mundane shadow government, reverse engineered so as to grant the elite with free energy while the rest of you are hooked to the grid, like schmucks. Outside of the compartmentalized top secret international security bullshit of the shadow government, however, the wizardy O.V.O. had also gotten its hands on such a rare treasure. She may be found resting within the Black Pyramid's experimental hangar, and we have dubbed her: the Shroom. Why? Because it looks like the cap of a mushroom, and the reckless alien ingestion of psilocybin was likely the cause of her crash, somewhere deep in the New Jersey Pine Barrens, circa 1949, according to O.V.O. records.
Unfortunately, we have never successfully gotten her to fly, or to jump around betwixt Universes proper. The Kadsitican crystal was nowhere to be found at the site of the crash. They say it resides somewhere beneath the sands of the Pine Barrens, and the fabric of space-time in that entire region to this day remains a little wacky. Still, I am making adjustments, with or without the crystal. I'll have her purring like a quantum space kitten in no time. I recently Frankensteined in some parts of a 66 Ford Mustang, a Sega Master System, and a dune buggy, and she's looking hot.
As for the role of the Demon Kings in all this, they care little for the high-minded goals and motivations of the Lamphomets. They are only concerned with maintaining stability over their dimensions and initiating others into their ranks. They probably don't like the thought of the Lamphomets empowering the Uberzilch in any way, but I haven't heard of any recent squabbles. If they were the mafia, then the Lamphomets would be the feds. Each of them shares in an understanding which is mutually beneficial to both sides. The Demon Kings maintain order within the 72 Gibbering Aethyrs, making sure everything runs nice and smooth, and the Lamphomets provide them with newly evolved entities which they can use in their own power structures. Hey, the Multiverse isn't perfect, but it works.
And you haven't even heard the half of it.